Friday, February 22, 2008

(from The Onion) BCS Determines No Team Worthy Of Facing Ohio State In Championship Game

I Just found this. Its never too late to enjoy something like this. [Whole article linked]

COLUMBUS, OH—In what many BCS officials are citing as "proof that their flawless system indeed works," no Division 1-A college football team was found to possess the sheer excellence required to face Ohio State, the No. 1 ranked team since the season began, in this year's BCS Championship game.

"The main job of the BCS is to place the best football players in the nation in a single game in order to decide the national champion," said BCS chairman Mike Coleman. "This year, our computer took hours to process the polls' relevant data—by which I mean the opinions of the nation's finest sportscasters, sports-radio hosts, coaches, color commentators, and ESPN The Magazine contributors—and determined that no championship game is necessary. No team in America deserves to even step on the same field as Ohio State, let alone actually play in a game against them."

"It's good to know that, after the Harris and the USA Today polls carefully and painstakingly take care of the fallible, emotional, potentially biased human element of the ranking through old-fashioned voting, the BCS then takes that human element and subjects it to its own infallible rigid mathematical formulas," Coleman continued. "It's a confidence-inspiring system that has never failed us before."

"Although I'll be the first to admit that previous years have usually featured some sort of game," Coleman added.

According to Coleman, the University of Florida's lackluster running game and one-loss season, USC's "abominable" offense and two losses, and Michigan having already lost to Ohio State 42-39 seemed to be the determining factors in the BCS's decision. Coleman also said that Ohio State clearly being the most popular and exciting team in college football didn't hurt. However, Coleman insisted on adamantly stating for the record that the BCS is not a popularity contest.

"I think this year more than any other year proves that the BCS is working," ESPN College GameDay anchor Lee Corso said during a live broadcast from Ohio State's campus. "The system does an excellent job taking into consideration things that poll voters don't even think about: strength of schedule, whether or not the team won their conference, total distance the teams' fans are willing to travel for bowl games, average amount spent on souvenirs by alumni, and grade point average. After all those things, it's Ohio State, baby. And only Ohio State."

Corso then put on the costume head of Ohio State mascot Brutus Buckeye and was met with cheers from thousands of students...

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