Thursday, January 05, 2006

Heinous Crime

Dear Gang,
I need to seek female (or affectionately know as 'middens' or 'mimms' on these shores) advice. My question is: have I just been used?
I met an old flame over new years in Edinburgh. We rekindled our burning love for one another to such a degree that she asked me to change my train ticket and stay another 2 days. During this time we walked the cobbled streets of Edinburgh hand-in-hand, her often placing her arms around me, kissing me in public and letting me do pretty much anything I wanted to her upon the returns to the private sanctum of 39 Watson crescent.
By our final day (I'd now been in her place 4 days - no joke, i'd not even stayed at my mates house where i planned to!) we discussed future plans. Her saying she would visit me this very weekend. I returned home to tyneside and promptly send flowers northwards, laced with a card extolling how great my weekend had been and how excited I was to see her this weekend.
....Nothing....not a bloody thing.
I texted her the next day asking if the aforementioned flowers had been received?
....Nothing....not a squeak (and by this point I knew how to make her squeak, believe me)
I texted again today asking "will you be visiting this weekend? as planned?"
....for a long time, nothing. Then "Andy - no i won't be visiting this weekend or any other"

Woe is me! Have I just been suckered? Have I just been used and abused? Have I not just had the wool pulled over my eyes but wrapped down past my balls??
This may sound really naive - hence why i need to seek midden-based opinions - but can a mimm lie, play act the smitten midden and play hide the british pork sausage just as effectively, nay - more so, then a devious gentleman? Can and do chicks play you up as much as I just think I have been? all just to get laid?

Yours, confused (but satiated) of North Tyneside


  1. Ummm...this is a tricky one. I can only think of a couple senarios to explain this behavior.

    1. You were a weekend fling and nothing more.

    2. You said something too forth coming in your card that scared her away.

    3. She decided she didn't want to get into a long distance relationship and just cowardly ended it.

    4. Your penis wasn't big enough.

    5. She discovered she got a good old case of the crabs from you and isn't too happy.

    6. She is crazy!

    In my opinion, if everything you wrote is true, she sounds crazy to me! Good luck figuring this one out!!

    P.S. Hope you can come to our wedding - August 26!!

  2. brit, its been along time and you seem in need of revenge. Don't listen to traci, coming from the girl who just got engaged and has 9 inches of limp when ever she wants it. Text her that you just saw the doctor and the test results came back positive for herpes, or something worse if you're a little more bitter than most. It will make her sweat for a week or two. There is nothing better for a heart break cure than a little revenge. Remember she is the girl and it is her problem, don't put the pussy up on a pedestal

  3. Ummm.... Jimmy might possibly have come up with the best Idea ever.

    You know its good if he is actually posting. As far as flowers... now you dont ever have to buy them again. If a new chick brings it up just say flowers remind you of a terrible relationship. Then buy her a pack of gum, and take the $30 savings to the bar to pick up a new girl you are looking buy a pack of gum.

    Traci only had one plausible reason...#4

  4. Traci - I think you should tell E-lo about how you know about #4 before 26th August 2006.
    Personally I go for a combo move of #1 + #3.
    I'm just so gutted that i got no photos of her....not only so you could see how hot she was, but so i coud photoshop her head onto some naked bodyshots and post them on the dubya-dubya-dubya!