From The Journal (Local Newspaper), Wednesday, comes the funniest mackem media story since the last one:
A Sunderland fan has been banned from every football ground in the country after invading the Stadium of Light pitch to shout abuse at his team's goalkeeper.
Neil Anderson, 40, from Metcalf Crescent in Murton, County Durham, ran on to the pitch during Sunderland's 4-1 defeat to Portsmouth last month and shouted "You're no good" at goalkeeper Kelvin Davis.
Sunderland Magistrates' Court heard that Anderson, who had a caution for breach of the peace at the Stadium of Light in 2003, was at the game with his son and his father.
But the long-time season ticket holder became "frustrated" when Sunderland threw away a 1-0 lead against fellow strugglers Portsmouth and ran on to the pitch when the south coast team scored the third of their four goals.
Jim Hope, prosecuting, said that Anderson's behaviour had not been the worst case of football-related disorder but still urged them to impose a ban from grounds.
Defence solicitor Martin Wright said Anderson was sorry for the incident and was completely ashamed of himself.
After being sentenced to a ban from every football stadium in England for three years, Anderson said that he was not surprised at being barred.
He said: "I wasn't planning on going back anyway. I'm finished with them. They're rubbish."